Bring on the brickbats

The world needs more bastard wine writers. By that I don't mean "more wine writers ... the bastards", but "more bastards who are wine writers". My God that feels good. For years I've wanted to associate the words "wine writer" and "bastard" this closely. Hoping to induce some kind of Pavlovian response among our trade.

It's one of the great fallacies of our trade that there ought to be a friendly détente - a fondness even - between those who sell booze and those who write about it. Nice reviews in return for nice samples and trips for the so-called Fourth Estate. Yup. Absolutely. I'm sure Thomas Carlyle had a squiffy hack in mind, typing "mmm, zippy and fresh, great value for £5.99" when he coined the term to describe the awesome power of the press.

A recent Wine Intelligence report seemed impressed that 29% of UK wine consumers were influenced by wine critics. But the killer question is always "compared with what?" The 60% of consumers in the same report who'd rather trust their mates? This figure suggests there's something rotten in the state of wine writing.

The little power that wine journalists do enjoy is squandered on anodyne approval. Love-him-or- loathe-him TV critic A A Gill regards critics as "the traffic wardens of culture ... your job is to hand out the tickets". Because how do you improve traffic flow in city centres? Congratulate everyone parking in the bays? Or tow the berk on the double yellows?

A general tendency to approval isn't just bad criticism. It's bad journalism. Readers always prefer a brickbat to a bouquet. If wine writers think there is too much boring wine around (and they always say they do), then find creative ways of drubbing it. No producer is going to improve their insipid, over-acidified Shiraz because it didn't appear in anyone's top five picks on Saturday. Like Henry VIII's proctor at St Thomas More's trial, wine writers seem to think that silence about wines they don't like is proof of malice in the state in wine making. While in truth St Thomas More had it better. "He who is silent seems to consent, my silence should rather be taken as approval."

Joe Fattorini is a trade sales manager at Bibendum, and a wine writer.

• Harpers Says...